January 2nd, 2012
2012
Twenty-twelve.
It beleaguers the imagination.
I’ve been trying to figure out why this particular new year’s has been so devastatingly depressing. I mean…for a long time now, new year’s has been one of those days I try not to think about. Just another day, new date on the checks, etc., etc. You know, the new year…is. It’s just the inexorable march of time. One more year I can’t go back and salvage. And I ain’t gettin’ any younger, either. That’s a huge part of it, I know. I’ll be 60 this year.
60
SIX-ty.
Shit.
That, in and of itself is enough to make me want to jump off a bridge (if I weren’t afraid of heights). Part of the disconnect is that I do not feel 60, hell…I don’t feel 40, mentally. Physically, my body is a disaster zone. Physically, I feel like I’m 90 most days. All this BS about 50 is the new 30 and 70 is the new 40, or whatever…those spinners never lived in my body. 60 is the new 90. Bah!
Instead of chronicling what I feel the issues are (which sounds suspiciously like making excuses), I’m going to try to take a page out of the sunshine and lollipop spin and look at ways to make 2012 a better year. I mean, you know…just not sitting around being morose would make it a better year, right?
First up, I’m decluttering the house. It’s a gargantuan undertaking, but I’m gettin’ ‘er done, by gosh. In that vein, I’ve decluttered Mdme B’s space here. My previous theme mirrored the usual state of my desk (might have even been cleaner…but I’ll never tell), but I’ve noticed most of the well-read sites are simpler, with white backgrounds.
Before you get all mushy and think this is a list of resolutions, don’t. I don’t do resolutions. They set you up for failure. These are things I’ve already been working on or need to do anyway, new year or not. It just seems like a good time to trot out the list since one of the things I’d like to get in the habit of doing is actually, you know, like…USING my web site–what a novel idea. Which reminds me of another one on the list. Setting up a time to write, every day, same time. I might actually get that novel done before I really am 90.
Dump about 80-90 pounds. Didn’t say pounds of what, now did I? (Technically, I’ve already done this: in decluttering in the last couple of days, I’ve trashed, recycled, and donated well over 100 pounds of schtuff. HA!) But yeah…part of the feeling 90 thing is this extra couple of bags of mulch I’m carrying around. Hee. In order to clearly demonstrate what carrying weight on your body is like, I use the following analogy: you know those bags of garden dirt, compost, or mulch? Each one weighs 40 pounds. I can barely tote ONE of those around. And I’m carrying at least two on a small, 5’5″ frame that wasn’t intended to carry more than about 145 pounds at the most. TWO! No wonder my knees are going and my feet hurt so much. (218 when I last weighed myself at work before the winter break, if you MUST know.)
Another thing I’m going to try for is consistency. Juliet said something about the moon’s inconstant orb…but you know, the moon is rather consistent. Each month, she does the same thing, perpetually. I’m not sure I’d want to be quite that predictable–and boring–but one could do far worse than be as consistent as Lady Luna.
Getting back on track being a vegesaur. Several times over the holidays, whether it was just because I was tempted by some yummy-meat thing or because there really wasn’t anything else to eat in the house, I’ve had things to eat which I regretted later. Regretted either because of guilt or because they upset my system something fierce. This goes along with actually planning some meals, doing shopping, and cooking! Gah…I have a teenager, for crying out loud, and I rely on my husband to cook most of the meals, but he doesn’t make veggies and green things, so no one gets the nutrition they should. *slaps own hand*
One last thought on this is time spent on the computer. It is a very useful tool, when used properly, but I spend too much time on FB and playing games, and not enough time doing creative things with it. Posting projects and the like here will be a part of a renewed effort putting what little time I have left on this earth to good use. Believe it or not, I actually go days without checking FB, I don’t twitter, or Google-group…but I still manage to waste an inordinate amount of time on teh intarwebs. I love googling ideas, items, history, pictures, etc. THAT can really eat up time, lemmetellya.
So. I’m off to clean that other catbox, start a back-to-work-and-school washing marathon, finish scanning a kajillion photos for my boss (he’s paying me), bake two more loaves of banana bread, wash dishes and continue sorting and culling 20 years of crap that grew in my house and wonder if clutter is like mold or a fungus…does it spread by spores?
Categories: Self |
Tags: about me, aging, cleaning, clutter, lists, self-pity | Comments Off
October 24th, 2011
My daddy always used to say “…the road to Hell was paved with good intentions.” I wonder if that extends to those of us with ADD who start out with such good plans to change ourselves, to raise our kids right, keep the house clean, grow veggies, eat veggies, walk the dogs…. Well, you get the idea.
I was looking for notebook paper to once again try and make a monthly menu so I could shop more efficiently and I thought, oh, that binder I have…the one with the white horses on it…I’ve never kept up with the journal I started in it, literally 20+ years ago…there’ll be a ton of unused notebook paper in there. It’ll be a bit old, but still usable, no need to open one of the spare packs I have for the kiddo. Well, yes, there was, is, a ton of notebook paper in it. Also, dividers (labeled “Contract,” “Routines & Lists,” “Journal,” “Menus & Shopping,” “Diet & Workout”, a contract with myself, and a zipper pouch of pens, ruler, and stickies. “facepalm” Wanna know the date? 19 JUL 09. Yes, 2009. *eyeroll and another facepalm*
I don’t know whether to be heartened by the fact that apparently nothing’s (or very little) changed in my outlook, or to be very disturbed nothing’s changed in my outlook.
*confused look*
So, here’s the contract I wrote out then (and I REALLY wish WP would preserve Word formatting):
I. Whereas –
A. I am tired of being…
- tired all the time,
- fat,
- stiff,
- in pain,
- in a disaster zone,
- financially out of control,
B. I am disconnected from…
- family,
- my body,
- nature,
- the Divine,
- my creativity,
C. I am Squandering…
- years,
- talents,
- resources,
II. I recognize I am…
A. Intelligent,
B. Talented,
C. Resourceful,
D. Determined,
E. The only one who can change ME
III. Therefore, I resolve…
A. To Rejuvenate by…
- stretching,
- following a workout plan,
- getting the proper amount of rest,
- making healthy food choices,
- develop my household routines,
- create and follow a budget and pay-off plan
B. To reconnect by…
- having family meals at the table,
- include Mother in more things,
- meditate and pray
- invite the Divine in through prayer and ritual,
- set aside time for creating,
C. [To remind myself]….
- life is short, spend every moment wisely,
- things don’t have to be perfect,
- appreciate and use what I do have and not bemoan what I don’t have,
- life is a work in progress and will never be finished.
IV. My priorities are…
A. To not overload by…
- trying to do it all at once,
- losing perspective,
- expecting immediate results,
- forgetting the larger picture by getting caught up in the details.
B. Every night…
1.review the day
a. What did I accomplish?
b. What was left undone?
- move to the next day –or–
- re-evaluate – do I need to do it
–tomorrow?
–another time?
–does something else need to get done first?
- Does a schedule or routine need to be changed based on a/b?
- [Write in journal, especially things I am thankful for]
2. review and prioritize tomorrow
3. follow the routine
C. Remember I am part of the web…
1. I am central to my, if I don’t care of my needs, no one else will,
2. [but] I also touch and impact others,
3. some small thing I do –or don’t do–can resonate billions of light years away, plucking the web and thereby change the Universe,
D. don’t let “C” get [me] down,
E. don’t be your own worst enemy,
F. follow thru through [hahahahah]
G. KISS (keep it simple, silly!)
19 July 2009 then, is the first day of the rest of my life, the day I choose to be reborn. I make this covenant with myself, the Divine within and without as my witness.
I was going to rewrite or type up the contract but I want it to be as is, imperfect, fluid, dynamic, and alterable, like life itself.
Follow through!
//signed//
19 July 2009
————————————-
It would be laughable…it is laughable…but it’s exactly what I would write today. There’s some reason I found this today, some pivotal moment, I suppose. Trying not to read too terribly much into it, but I’m renewing this and am going to put effort into seeing it through.
Categories: Self |
Tags: about me, questions with no answers, Self, things that make you say WTF? | Comments Off
March 31st, 2011
At least one of my friends likes to post a “things I like” list every now and then. She’ll post different themes of “ten things.” I must admit, I’m not nearly so ambitious, but then Dianne’s written four books now (three are published, the fourth is being published), and is writing a fifth, she blogs constantly and writes “other fiction” on a regular basis. To be completely honest, when it comes to writing, she is what I wish I were. Ha! I always have been a dreamer.
But, as they say, I digress.
This is just a general, “here are things found on the intarwebs I love plus” list.
1. I love planners. I never keep them up like I should, but the idea of organizing my life on little lined pages just enthralls me. As I said, I always have been a dreamer.
2. Like Dianne, I love sticky notes; my planners have a plethora of sticky notes in them (which is a problem with digital planners: where the hell do you put the sticky notes??). But I also love paperclips and binder clamps. Once again, I think it’s the whole organizational thing….I picture all my papers and to-dos neatly clippered and clamped with nifty clips and I’ll be able to look at a stack and presto! I’m saved.
3. I love boxes. Of any kind. Boxes. And more boxes. And even MORE boxes. See above. My family believes I secretly know if I get enough boxes, my problems will all be solved. Heh…yeah…I’ll get back with you on tht. (OMG….that search sets my heart to fluttering…BOXES!!) Oh…and these, too.
4. Let’s face it, I love office/school/art supplies. Period. Different colored pens, markers, sticky notes, notebooks, paper, blank books, rulers, sketch pads, pastels, brushes, you name it. *sighs*
5. I love this room.
6. I love these bookshelves.
7. I love my new washer and dryer. After all the hassle of getting the washer to work and a part replaced, they work great. (Maytag Centennial series).
8. I love my boss. Not that way. He rocks. He might be a colonel, but he checked his ego at the door. He’s still intense, demanding, and a control freak, but once you understand that he’s all about the mission, you get it. There are still days when I could cheerfully boot him in his flightsuited arse, but then I can also TELL him when he annoys me. The other colonels I’ve worked for? Oh, hell no. He’s PCSing this summer and I’m gonna miss him.
9. I love April and October. which just happen to be my and my son’s birth month (April) and my mother’s and three of my best friends’ birth months and my anniversary month (October).
10. Kismet. Via Facebook I just found this. I love it. What amazing advice from such a youngster 
.
Now, if you’re paying attention (and actually have taken a look at Dianne’s lists), you’ll notice a big difference. She actually writes about each item, discusses it, tells you why she likes it, irrationally or not. I suppose that’s telling. It tells me why she’s a writer and I’m not. But it also tells me I can’t always tell you why I like something. Or, conversely, why I hate something. (Although I can easily tell you why I hate some of the ignorant stupidity surfacing these days. [Again, I digress.])
Categories: Lists, Odds'n'ends, Self, the intarwebs |
Tags: about me, blogging, decorating, Friends, lists, Self, Ten things | Comments Off
August 16th, 2010
lj-music: Shuuush of the dryer
My hands have been killing me lately…sometimes making me yelp in the middle of conversations…just deep aching, in the big thumb muscle, the joints and the bones between the joints. And the left hand is numb on top of it all. I have so much to do and no one else to do it. And before you ask, no it’s not carpal tunnel. It’s arthritis and the numbness is due to thoracic outlet syndrome. I’ve had arthroscopy on both shoulders and I don’t get the numbness in the right side nearly as bad as in the left. But the pain…in the hands and shoulders, and the grip weakness…oh.my.goddess. Anyway…not sure there’s much I can do about it. My take home pay is going down because UT’s not giving raises* but our insurance premiums are going up. At the same time the deductibles and out of pocket cap are going up…so I’m paying out the fucking wazoo for insurance I can’t use. Nice. Goddamned Republicans. GOP=Grand Obstructionist Party.
Several years ago, one of the NCOs at work had gotten her son a pair of hermit crabs.
He wouldn’t take care of them, so she gave them to me. The poor things were in the little clear plastic Kritter Keeper they came in, with an inch of *growls* aquarium gravel, and she was giving them TAP water. GAH! So I did a bunch of research and spent about a 100 bucks getting a crabitat set up. Little guys were most appreciative and showed me by almost immediately moulting. The bigger one moulted several times and then went down and didn’t come up. Spikey had “disrobed” over the tank heater and dried out. So he’s buried with Caldwell, the Betta Fish, under the Texas Mountain Laurel in the front yard. So…that left Tiny, who is now way bigger than the larger one was when we got them (he was itty bitty at first, hence the name).
I’ve been keeping Tiny in a Kritter Keeper, with the proper bedding, water, and a sheet of cling wrap to hold in the humidity, so he’s doing okay. But hermies are social critters. He needs friends. So I’m going to get one or two more crabs and set the terrarium back up. Scorpionis (Thank you!!) gave me another 10-gallon tank. I have this little wooden typing table—so very, very ubiquitous at UT. I think the furniture shop must’ve made a kabillion of them over the years. I took it and peeled the fake wood Formica off the top and painted it. It’s kind of a pale yellowish now, but I think some nice dark green or blue will be a better color for a crabitat. One tank on top and one underneath, then get some of this…
…which is 4” in diameter (it’ll take the crabbies a long time to get too big to get through it)
and connect them…like this
And see if hermies like crabitrails…hee hee hee
I started this post on Friday and now can’t remember what the “associated crap” was. *facepalm*
*We are getting a one-time 2% payment, not a raise. It’ll be in time for Yule and for me, after taxes, etc. will be about $450…better than a sharp stick in the eye, and just in time for presents, but geeze…really?
Categories: Critters |
Tags: about me, my critters, projects, Work | Comments Off
August 15th, 2010
Was supposed to Had told bossman I would go in and finish the library this weekend. Just don’t have the energy, thank you very much. My house, never in the best shape to begin with, has REALLY been suffering from my lack of energy and being in such pain when I get home (damned move). Now that things are settling down a bit a work, I might be able to muster up enough steam to get my kitchen back in order. It’s amazing how quickly R & W can mess it up. You know…if they paid for that talent…
In other news, R has been commenting a lot on some website about smart phones or something. First he won a mouse, then a keyboard, then a $100 GC from Amazon, then another one… Then this past week, they emailed him and invited him to take part in some conference or other in Bellvue, WA. All expense-paid weekend AND he comes home with a prototype Win 7 phone. How fleeping cool is that? Finally, his writing starts to pay off! *gigglesnort* ETA: and then he won another $100 GC after all that!
Figured out how much money I had left. If I don’t pay one bill (a certain credit card that’s now really past due) I can get us by with cheap bread, bologna, beans, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches…with the odd potato something thrown in. Going in to start a pot of beans in a minute and will make some kind of bread to supplement.
It’s just so bloody hot out. The A/C struggles to keep up and if you go outside, your core heats up and it takes forever to cool off. I hate the heat; why am I in Texas? Why?
Half an hour..then I can go turn on the sprinkler in my front yard.
Classic scene this AM…letting Abby out…she dashes in her run, bounding six feet in the air, chasing the birds out of her territory. LMAO. They love the seeds in the overgrown wild sunflower jungle out there. I cut one down…with a tree saw! it was easily ten feet or more (I couldn’t tell because it had fallen over) and the stalk was almost as big around as my chubby wrist. I think I will pull them up next year and plant more sedate hybrids in a controlled area. Geesh.
Categories: Daily Bull |
Tags: about me, Daily Bull, Family, My House, Self | Comments Off
