Madame Bizarro World

Happy New Year and All That Jazz…

January 2nd, 2012

2012

Twenty-twelve.

It beleaguers the imagination.

I’ve been trying to figure out why this particular new year’s has been so devastatingly depressing. I mean…for a long time now, new year’s has been one of those days I try not to think about. Just another day, new date on the checks, etc., etc. You know, the new year…is. It’s just the inexorable march of time. One more year I can’t go back and salvage. And I ain’t gettin’ any younger, either. That’s a huge part of it, I know. I’ll be 60 this year.

SIX-ty.

Shit.

That, in and of itself is enough to make me want to jump off a bridge (if I weren’t afraid of heights). Part of the disconnect is that I do not feel 60, hell…I don’t feel 40, mentally. Physically, my body is a disaster zone. Physically, I feel like I’m 90 most days. All this BS about 50 is the new 30 and 70 is the new 40, or whatever…those spinners never lived in my body. 60 is the new 90. Bah!

Instead of chronicling what I feel the issues are (which sounds suspiciously like making excuses), I’m going to try to take a page out of the sunshine and lollipop spin and look at ways to make 2012 a better year. I mean, you know…just not sitting around being morose would make it a better year, right?

First up, I’m decluttering the house. It’s a gargantuan undertaking, but I’m gettin’ ‘er done, by gosh. In that vein, I’ve decluttered Mdme B’s space here. My previous theme mirrored the usual state of my desk (might have even been cleaner…but I’ll never tell), but I’ve noticed most of the well-read sites are simpler, with white backgrounds.

Before you get all mushy and think this is a list of resolutions, don’t. I don’t do resolutions. They set you up for failure. These are things I’ve already been working on or need to do anyway, new year or not. It just seems like a good time to trot out the list since one of the things I’d like to get in the habit of doing is actually, you know, like…USING my web site–what a novel idea. Which reminds me of another one on the list. Setting up a time to write, every day, same time. I might actually get that novel done before I really am 90.

Dump about 80-90 pounds. Didn’t say pounds of what, now did I? (Technically, I’ve already done this: in decluttering in the last couple of days, I’ve trashed, recycled, and donated well over 100 pounds of schtuff. HA!) But yeah…part of the feeling 90 thing is this extra couple of bags of mulch I’m carrying around. Hee. In order to clearly demonstrate what carrying weight on your body is like, I use the following analogy: you know those bags of garden dirt, compost, or mulch? Each one weighs 40 pounds. I can barely tote ONE of those around. And I’m carrying at least two on a small, 5’5″ frame that wasn’t intended to carry more than about 145 pounds at the most. TWO! No wonder my knees are going and my feet hurt so much. (218 when I last weighed myself at work before the winter break, if you MUST know.)

Another thing I’m going to try for is consistency. Juliet said something about the moon’s inconstant orb…but you know, the moon is rather consistent. Each month, she does the same thing, perpetually. I’m not sure I’d want to be quite that predictable–and boring–but one could do far worse than be as consistent as Lady Luna.

Getting back on track being a vegesaur. Several times over the holidays, whether it was just because I was tempted by some yummy-meat thing or because there really wasn’t anything else to eat in the house, I’ve had things to eat which I regretted later. Regretted either because of guilt or because they upset my system something fierce. This goes along with actually planning some meals, doing shopping, and cooking! Gah…I have a teenager, for crying out loud, and I rely on my husband to cook most of the meals, but he doesn’t make veggies and green things, so no one gets the nutrition they should. *slaps own hand*

One last thought on this is time spent on the computer. It is a very useful tool, when used properly, but I spend too much time on FB and playing games, and not enough time doing creative things with it. Posting projects and the like here will be a part of a renewed effort putting what little time I have left on this earth to good use. Believe it or not, I actually go days without checking FB, I don’t twitter, or Google-group…but I still manage to waste an inordinate amount of time on teh intarwebs. I love googling ideas, items, history, pictures, etc. THAT can really eat up time, lemmetellya.

So. I’m off to clean that other catbox, start a back-to-work-and-school washing marathon, finish scanning a kajillion photos for my boss (he’s paying me), bake two more loaves of banana bread, wash dishes and continue sorting and culling 20 years of crap that grew in my house and wonder if clutter is like mold or a fungus…does it spread by spores?

Categories: Self | Tags: about me, aging, cleaning, clutter, lists, self-pity | No Comments

Farglesnoppers…I suck.

November 29th, 2011

Every day, several times a day, I compose marvelous posts. I right the wrongs of the world, chew out ignorant drivers, belittle Christians who apparently have never read a word of the Gospel, and enlighten self-absorbed boobs who think Republicans are human. I chronicle all my various projects (I have projects. Really.), describe with humorous aplomb all the antics of my pets and lanky, truant teenager, and wittily discuss my latest reading adventure.

In my head.

My excuses for not actually writing these posts are legion. I can’t really write that ;way; I’m doing real work, I have no before pictures, so why write about a project if no one can SEE the before and what a magnificent difference I’ve made?

Truth is? I’m lazy. And I suck. There you have it. The Universe is doomed. I could have saved the Universe, but I’m lazy. And I suck.

Did I mention I’m also rather silly?

Categories: Self | Tags: blogging, Self, self-pity, silliness | Comments Off

Well, lookit that….

October 24th, 2011

My daddy always used to say “…the road to Hell was paved with good intentions.” I wonder if that extends to those of us with ADD who start out with such good plans to change ourselves, to raise our kids right, keep the house clean, grow veggies, eat veggies, walk the dogs…. Well, you get the idea.

I was looking for notebook paper to once again try and make a monthly menu so I could shop more efficiently and I thought, oh, that binder I have…the one with the white horses on it…I’ve never kept up with the journal I started in it, literally 20+ years ago…there’ll be a ton of unused notebook paper in there. It’ll be a bit old, but still usable, no need to open one of the spare packs I have for the kiddo. Well, yes, there was, is, a ton of notebook paper in it. Also, dividers (labeled “Contract,” “Routines & Lists,” “Journal,” “Menus & Shopping,” “Diet & Workout”, a contract with myself, and a zipper pouch of pens, ruler, and stickies. “facepalm” Wanna know the date? 19 JUL 09. Yes, 2009. *eyeroll and another facepalm*

I don’t know whether to be heartened by the fact that apparently nothing’s (or very little) changed in my outlook, or to be very disturbed nothing’s changed in my outlook.

*confused look*

So, here’s the contract I wrote out then (and I REALLY wish WP would preserve Word formatting):

I. Whereas –

A. I am tired of being…

tired all the time,
fat,
stiff,
in pain,
in a disaster zone,
financially out of control,

B. I am disconnected from…

family,
my body,
nature,
the Divine,
my creativity,

C. I am Squandering…

years,
talents,
resources,

II. I recognize I am…

A. Intelligent,

B. Talented,

C. Resourceful,

D. Determined,

E. The only one who can change ME

III. Therefore, I resolve…

A. To Rejuvenate by…

stretching,
following a workout plan,
getting the proper amount of rest,
making healthy food choices,
develop my household routines,
create and follow a budget and pay-off plan

B. To reconnect by…

having family meals at the table,
include Mother in more things,
meditate and pray
invite the Divine in through prayer and ritual,
set aside time for creating,

C. [To remind myself]….

life is short, spend every moment wisely,
things don’t have to be perfect,
appreciate and use what I do have and not bemoan what I don’t have,
life is a work in progress and will never be finished.

IV. My priorities are…

A. To not overload by…

trying to do it all at once,
losing perspective,
expecting immediate results,
forgetting the larger picture by getting caught up in the details.

B. Every night…

1.review the day

a. What did I accomplish?

b. What was left undone?

move to the next day –or–
re-evaluate – do I need to do it

–tomorrow?

–another time?

–does something else need to get done first?

Does a schedule or routine need to be changed based on a/b?
[Write in journal, especially things I am thankful for]

2. review and prioritize tomorrow

3. follow the routine

C. Remember I am part of the web…

1. I am central to my, if I don’t care of my needs, no one else will,

2. [but] I also touch and impact others,

3. some small thing I do –or don’t do–can resonate billions of light years away, plucking the web and thereby change the Universe,

D. don’t let “C” get [me] down,

E. don’t be your own worst enemy,

F. follow thru through [hahahahah]

G. KISS (keep it simple, silly!)

19 July 2009 then, is the first day of the rest of my life, the day I choose to be reborn. I make this covenant with myself, the Divine within and without as my witness.

I was going to rewrite or type up the contract but I want it to be as is, imperfect, fluid, dynamic, and alterable, like life itself.

Follow through!

//signed//

19 July 2009

————————————-

It would be laughable…it is laughable…but it’s exactly what I would write today. There’s some reason I found this today, some pivotal moment, I suppose. Trying not to read too terribly much into it, but I’m renewing this and am going to put effort into seeing it through.

Categories: Self | Tags: about me, questions with no answers, Self, things that make you say WTF? | Comments Off